Pheromones.

Oh, how my pheromones mistreat me! Not to wank on about how awesome I am, but I've had a grande total of 3 stalkers in my lifetime. The gaining of stalkers runs in the family (mum's side, both guys and girls). My mum has had a fair few.

My current stalker is a little creepy. To make myself feel better I wrote a haiku for him.

It's your eyes that scare 

me, all shiny and wider 

than your gaping mouth.

Pretty choice eh? Yep, I can write seriously. Jealous much.