Fortuitous Friend File, episode 2

I have never met a Sam I didn't like.

1. Sam: I went to school with this one, and he is uproariously Asian. I mean it, hilarious. Because this Sam can't speak Chinese, yet he speaks English like he's only just learned it. I love him to pieces (ew, not literally) and can't be without him, ever. We played and sang More Than Words by Extreme for a school concert, which was totally rad. I wanted to go in costume, too, but was told that two brown kids looking like skinny white guys with zero hair maintenance skills would scare the little kids. It was a shame, I had wigs and everything.
   
   
2. Sam #2 was a few classes above me at school. He was always really lovely. Didn't talk much but it was ok cos he put all his words into awesome drawings. He had a nice face - my friend semi-dated him for a while. I think they were both each others firsts, which is lovely. One night he drew a portrait of her, and gifted it to her also. I don't think that ended too well.
   
   
3. This Sam works at my parents restaurant. I don't actually know him, but he has a really nice face. I like nice faces.
   
   
4. This Sam goes to uni. He hardly talks at all, but when he does, you know it's gonna be something life-changing and profound. He writes the best short reviews for movies. I don't think he talks much cos he has a slight stutter. Some girls were mocking him at one of our lectures one time. I thought they were dicks (still do). He is an avid facebooker, especially when he's drunk - and that's where the truth comes out. He told me I was pretty, but apologised that nothing could go further due to the fact that he was gay. Dang it!
   
   
5. This Sam is a girl. She is a mega hippy boho chick, which I think is rad cos whoever can pull off their own look is the Dude in my eyes. She seems pretty weird, but what's wrong with that? Nada. Absolutely nothing.
   
   
6. You know that family friend who you've grown up with that suddenly becomes really attractive? I realised I had a crush on this Sam when I caught myself staring at his package one evening, but that backfired in my face cos he said I was like his sister. Fml. Now, we are homies. I'm glad it never went further than that. We'd have some weird-looking kids if it had come to fruition.
   
   
7. This Sam has cancer. I hung out with him for one night, then a few weeks later I found out he was in chemo. Shock! I would have never known - we just pranced about talking in Cockney accents one night, photo-whored, drank beer and thought we were pretty suave. He is really good at accents.
   
   
8. I have no idea where this Sam is, I know he's on the other side of the world somewhere. This Sam was the school clown. Somehow everyone knew him. He was much like Asian Sam, only brown and Maori. You could never understand what he was saying, but he was gangly and awkward so the equation of mumble mumble+lanky+maori was entirely hilarious. Apparently he was snapped at work having a broom sword fight with a co-worker. Dunno what eventuated out of that (I think he got fired?).

If anybody else knows a cool Sam, tell me bout him/her. We can chuckle together.

Up next on the Fortuitous Friend Files: David